Before you read this, you may want to swallow that boulder of salt:
Dear Prudence,
My partner and I are adopting twins! We plan to raise them without diapers. There's a method for this, and most of the world goes without diapers. We will also use only organic clothes and linens, and only natural wooden toys. I'm wondering how we can politely express this to the people attending our baby shower. It would seem a bit brash to simply tack a list of what we don't want to the bottom of the invitation. I'm afraid that giving no indication about our organic preferences would lead to us throwing out or giving away almost all of the gifts we receive, and that doesn't seem right, either.
—Two Dads, Two Kids, One Problem
Dear Two Dads,
Yes, you have a problem, and it's not that people might sully your pristine nursery with a plastic teething ring. It's true that there are swaths of the world—largely in rural Africa and Asia—where children go undiapered. However, in those places it's accepted that elimination means squat-and-go. (And I have the feeling that the villagers, given the choice, would take three years' worth of Pampers over a lifetime of carbon credits.) It's also true that there is an infinitesimal number of people in the West who are involved in a (bowel?) movement (there is?!?!) to have babies go diaper-free called "elimination communication." Here's something else that's true: The first time you take your undiapered duo to Whole Foods and they let fly on the organic arugula, the produce manager will communicate about eliminating you as a customer. I'm also trying to imagine the condition the twins will be in as you attempt to transport them from crib to car to grocery cart. As the mother of one, I'm here to tell you parenthood is hard enough without committing yourself to having your twins (twins!) defecate on your hemp clothing every time you pick them up. As for the baby shower, go ahead and register at Holier Than Thou Baby and have the host put out the word about your gift preferences. And if you get things that don't meet your standards, give them away to a charity for people who are just trying to do their best.
—Prudie
I know!! There are people really out there like this?! How do they even GET approved for adoption. I don't even know them, but their snobby condescension oozing from this question makes me glad I don't even rub elbows with anyone like this! I read "the other side" of opinions out there (Jason Whitlock, Prudie, Slate in general, MSN homepage...), just to get an idea of how people like this (aka liberals) think/work/live as I don't get it (as I am sure they don't get me, but they should!). But then I read the occasional article like this and I get some assurance. The response Prudie gives is not only a sigh of relief (except the carbon credit folly), it is hysterical!