I would put my self right in the middle. I don't work full time, I don't stay home full time. I know plenty of moms who do one or the other. Here's the thing: they're all pretty good moms. Now do they live up to MY standards? No. Does that matter? No. Do stay at home moms deserve to be called lazy an out of touch? NO! Do working moms deserve to be called neglectful and selfish? NO! But both sides to a pretty good job at judging the other.
I read an article, it's coincidence that it came out the same day as this Ann Romney controversy is to me no accident. The article was about a mom who was a stay at home mom, SAHM from here on out. She was exasperated with the endless questions of how's the bon-bon's and life must be easy for you from her condescending working mom friends. She laid out her typical day (which I might add was somewhat exaggerated) for these moms to contemplate. Basically, she kinda made her kids sound like all they do is scream, cry, pee, and sleep thismuch. Now, kids have their moments, but they aren't like this ALL THE TIME! Some of her comments were funny and I could identify with some as well (I never thought putting my kiddos in the basket of a shopping cart was dangerous! Honest!). Now, however, this was her side of the story. I know life is busy, but how stressful one makes it is kinda a personal choice. If bringing your daughter to ballet class is too stressful, don't do it! If you can't handle that, then don't... duh. I know you want to give your kids the best opportunities, but if it stretches you too thin, the only one to blame is you. Work or not. Working or not has nothing to do with this issue. It about our assumptions, our opinions, what we do or don't put on our plate.
To me, dusting isn't a big deal; I live in an area with hardly any paved roads. It's dusty all the time! So, I'm not quite as anal about dusting. Someone else may have the opinion that dusting must be done weekly, and if they go to someones house like mine and see it's dusty, well to them, clearly, I work too much and don't take good enough care of my home. Or the other way: I am pretty anal about laundry. I hate having piles of laundry. When it does pile up, I do it all in one day. I get it over with. I don't drag it out because to me, a pile of dirty clothes is just plain nasty. Now someone else may have the opinion of laundry as I have about dusting. But when I go to someones house and notice a HUGE laundry pile, I tend to judge them rather harshly. It's not fair but it's how we all are. Some moms notice the littlest things about their own kids or other kids. It's their gift, tho annoying, it's what they're good at. Perhaps it's the competitor in all of us that wants to be better than anyone else, but we tend to notice the negatives to make ourselves feel better. But there's no reason for it, really.
SAHMs do what they do and do their best, I'm sure. They take pride in being with their kids full time, caring for them %100, running the house. Working moms also do what they do and do their best. They take pride in earning an income, helping their kids with homework, keeping up with the dishes, running the home. However, we both work hard to keep our family, our kids and our sanity in check all day. To ultimately criticize one group over the other is plain ignorance. To say one group doesn't have a say in something because their lack of experience with the other group is just plain mean. As women, we all devote our time, energy, love to our families and home. Pitting one side against the other is counter-productive. Each side probably envies the other on certain days. We all want to be the perfect mom, who can juggle home, kids, marriage, social gatherings, bills, pets, dusting, laundry and still make cookies and drink a hot cup of whatever before going to bed at a decent hour. It never goes as we plan and why should it? Life is full of surprises, unexpected's, uh-oh's. Saying a working mom has it harder or easier doesn't matter. We will always have our opinions, our perceptions... it's maybe not fair, but it really fine. But when your kids have a mom they love, no matter what they do or don't do, the rest just plain doesn't matter.